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Onwards & Outwards

January 21, 2011

So some of you may have noticed that I haven’t posted in a while – over four months. I was procrastinating on my write-up of the last day of the Fringe, not because I didn’t like the shows – I did, they were some of the best of my festival experience – but because, if I wrote about the last day, I would have to write about it all being over; not just the festival, but my time abroad, because I flew straight home after.

And that, frankly, is too tall an order. Four months later, an entire Smith semester later, I am still not ready for the Oxford chapter of my life to be closed. So below you will find the reviews of the last three shows, and nothing more. I am just not ready to say goodbye.

That being said, as a senior, I still have to figure out what I want to do next. As I see it, my options are as follows:

1. Grad school. I want to be a teacher, so why hesitate to get the training I need to do that? Here I come, Brown/Tufts/Boston/UVM!

2. Gap year. Not the purely fun, Gap Yah kind, but a year to work and think and gather my strength before jumping in to more academia and the life ahead. This could mean moving back in with my parents and working from there, to save money, or it could mean finding a cheap apartment (somewhere, anywhere) and starting over. It could also mean saving to go abroad for a little while, visit the old life, before heading back to school.

3. A different life path. This one scares me a little to think about, since I have thrown myself so fully into the issues of public/urban education, but I have to admit that for almost two whole years I saw myself venturing into the film or television industry. Entertainment is one of the hardest fields to break in to, but I have base-level training, I have a deep and abiding love of the medium, and I have ambition – and if you’re going to make headway, those are the ingredients you need, short of actual talent. So what then? I move to LA and become a cliche waitress/writer, trying to find my next move? God help me.

Right now, I am writing this when I should be working on my thesis, which is due in for a draft reading on Monday. But somehow, I just can’t concentrate on that when Oxford is behind and the world is up ahead, and I am stuck here in the middle, torn in so many directions it makes my brain hurt. (As told by Magnet, with your heart in the future and your head in the past, there’s nothing in between that’s going to last.)

Be warned – this is what happens to you when you don’t have a plan, and you’re the kind of person who really, really needs a plan.

 

ETA: I need a new name for this blog.

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